How to forgive and why

Forgiveness is probably one of the most important aspects of emotional healing, therefore I would really like to pay attention to it. My journey is mine, and I am not trying to say that is the only right way how to live your life, but I hope my story can inspire you to make changes that need to be made for creating your best life.

My story

I grew up in the family where I rarely felt loved. And I think kids deal with the fear of abandonment and lack of love differently, but my way wasn’t the healthiest.

I was always a crying child; I’d have gotten offended easily and I also had many insecurities and fears. I learnt how to be alone at the very young age, but for the longest time of my life I was feeling insecure, not trusting people and assuming they would eventually leave me.

Feeling the way, that I did, I used to look for someone to blame for it. It might sound weird, but with time you get used to the role of always being a victim. When you can’t help yourself, you hold others accountable for the way your life is and how you are. But most importantly you can’t seem to have good relationship with those, who you blame.

I was blaming my parents for a very long time, and needless to say, our relationship wasn’t the best even after they seemed to have changed in many ways.

As human beings we are capable of empathizing each other, but our parents for some reason are never the ones we empathize. We want them to be perfect, we expect and require love, protection, care and much more from them at all times. And when they fail to provide it, we never try to understand why.

Every situation is different, but in my case my parents were able to realize their mistakes. I didn’t want to hold grudges. At the end of the day the person, who gains from forgiving someone, is me.

Breaking free from holding grudges

When you hold on to the past, you give power to that past to control your today’s life. You let that pain affect your physical and mental health. You allow past experiences dictate, how your present relationship should be.

When you can understand why your loved ones did the things they did: that they were maybe weak, hurt and suffering human beings, just like many of us, it becomes easier to forgive. They didn’t necessarily mean to hurt us; they just didn’t know how to make it right. You don’t need to justify them, but it’s important to be able to see them from the eyes of an observer, as if you were never there.

By learning to view my loved ones as imperfect humans I was able to forgive them.

Forgiveness will bring you peace. It will help you heal your wounds and move on with complete responsibility for your life. It will not solve all your problems and won’t be the solution for all the puzzles, you are working on. But it will definitely help you feel better. And, if it’s important for you, it will help rebuild your relationship with those who ones hurt you but still are your family and people you deeply care about.

Our past is there to stay

One last thing I want you to remember: your past can’t be fixed, but your present and future depend on you now. Even though our past made us who we are in many ways, and we will inevitably struggle from its consequences, it's important to be open to new possibilities. Be strong enough to overcome your old self and build up an upgraded version of you.