Recently I realized how attached I am to the person I used to be. My age even a year ago, my weight, my status. I obviously used to be younger, thinner, and earned more money. Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the person that I am now is painful, to say the least. It's hard to face my current insecurities and I do my best to avoid it. Can anyone relate?
In a world where everyone is talking about self-love, acceptance, and body positivity speaking about insecurities isn't popular. Especially because by sharing them with the world we give others more reasons to point out things we so desperately try to ignore. But honestly, I think that more often than not we are our worst critics, and if anything sharing our struggles may show those who need it that they are far from being alone.
My negative self-talk is a result of years of criticism and disapproval from others as well as my inability to see my own worth. And that's ok. It's my story and believe it or not I accept it.
I will tell you this. Nobody loves themselves 24/7. It's ok not to like yourself all the time. However, what I want to achieve is just being OK with who I am and the changes that come with time. I want to offer myself compassion and even respect. Just like I would give it to anyone who I deeply care about. I know, I am not perfect, and honestly, I don't think anyone is. But clinging to the past version of myself and resisting change keeps me from exploring the better version of myself I can be.
Having negative self-talk is fine and at the end of the day acknowledging it is important. But it doesn't mean that you have to believe everything you "hear" in your mind and let it control your everyday life. I try to constantly remind myself that a journey to self-love takes time. If you are not there yet doesn't mean you never will be! And that, my friends, keeps me going!
"Toxic" Positivity in Dealing with Insecurities
With all of that being said how do I cope with feelings of self-hatred and resentment of change? At the end of the day, these are all no more than just seemingly motivational words. Well, I honestly don't do a lot to cope with them, I just let myself feel whatever it is I am feeling at the moment. That's also the reason why I started to share my journey online. I no longer wish to subscribe to all and all positivity movements and lie to myself and to others about fully loving and accepting myself. I want people to know that it's OK not to be completely happy with who you are right now. However, if it's something that you feel is making you feel depressed and unmotivated to get up in the morning, it's totally fine and even encouraged to seek professional help.
Positivity is not always toxic. If it is helpful to you then by all means go ahead and use positive affirmations, but to me denying my feelings has always made me feel worse. Avoidance makes my anxiety much more intense so it's easier for me to face my uncomfortable and painful feelings at times. Or should I say, healthier? I have come to realize there is a fine line between positivity and hiding my head in the sand.
Change isn't always bad. With things that we don't want to let go of come wisdom and strength that will eventually help us grow and overcome our insecurities and fears. That's my hope for today. What is yours?