Be patient with yourself, you need time to heal. And you need time to forgive and forget everything that left scars on you... Learn to wait before you let go. Everything in life comes to an end, and your suffering will. You will hold on to it for a little while before you let go. And one day you won't know why you were holding on to it for so long.
If anything is bothering you today, I want you to look at how far you have come and how much you have accomplished. Perhaps you don't know yet what the purpose of your life is, and maybe you don't even know how on Earth you got where you are right now, but deep inside you realize that everything you did in life was for one simple reason - to survive. You always wanted to get better, you always had hope you would make it till the end. And that hope still lives in you, no matter how disappointed you are, and how maybe damaged and exhausted you feel. There's still hope. And it’s not going anywhere.
I know you are looking forward to things to change, you want things to go back to normal, but you also understand that this precious time is needed for you to be able to learn, grow and become stronger, as life is not fair sometimes. You need strength, that you gain only from hardships, to make it till the end. You need strength to survive.
As much as you want things to change, you can't stand change... Maybe deep inside you are afraid of uncertainty, getting older and losing things you fail to appreciate in your presence, but God knows, you do. And you are afraid to lose everything you have. You are scared to let go of things that don't bring you joy, as they do sometimes. Behind closed doors, in that inevitable future, you don't know if things will change for the better. Maybe where you are right now is the best place for you to be. They say everything happens for a reason, but for you it doesn't make sense. You always fail to see the reason. Maybe you are blind. Or simply stupid. Or maybe you know there is no reason at all. There is only emptiness.
You don't want to learn new things, because what if you do, you will forget what you knew before. People say you are afraid to live, but you think you know life too well to not be afraid. You rarely speak to your friends about it, because you are ashamed of your own thoughts. You are afraid to be judged for your beliefs. And you feel lonely. Because there is noone to understand.
Your heart is sore. Because of everything that you have endured. Yet you are still here. And it amazes you. You can’t wait to see what’s next, but you are also afraid. And you are sick and tired of this duality of life. You want to live but there are days you can barely open your eyes. You feel alone, even though you know that you are not. It’s become a challenge, to remember you are not alone.
You hate when people tell you to be patient, as patience is not a part of your nature. But you are still here, and deep inside you realize that you are strong.
Be patient with yourself, you need time to heal. And you need time to forgive and forget everything that left scars on you. Learn to wait before you let go. Everything in life comes to an end, and your suffering will.
Practice seeing beauty in every little thing. Do not ask yourself why it is beautiful, just appreciate it and let it consume you. Even if it’s for the moment. Be grateful to be alive. Be present. Perhaps it’s the only thing you have left to do.